LEFT BRAIN / RIGHT BRAIN

Suicide is Nature's way of telling you that when you're in excruciating pain, there can be no true relief except punching the 'eject' button. In Oregon, a video version of Final Exit shown on public access television has brought the complexities of Doctor Assisted Suicide to the fore. Is it the only way out? Is it a mortal sin to relieve your own suffering and die in dignity? Should we bust Kevorkian outta jail?

The Book Final Exit gave us a manual for assisted and unassisted suicide. Subsequently brought out in braille and audio from, it became the Bible of groups such as The Hemlock Society and the Euthanasia Research & Guidance Organization. In video form, the work is available to the general public and has since been viewed on public access television in Lane County, Oregon, sparking controversy and pockets of outrage.

The morals of suicide, as well as assisted suicide are sketchy at best. Religious dogma, mostly Christian inspired, holds that taking one's own life is subverting the will of God and thus a mortal sin. Society, reflecting this view, tends to see those that view suicide as a viable alternative to living a life in pain as weak or emotionally unstable. The Government sees assisted suicide as akin to manslaughter despite the intentions of the survivor, and as a reason for institutionalization for the suicide attemptee.

With so much against the act of taking one's own life, what can be for it. There are groups that act as advocates of suicide as a means to an end for those with terminal, fatal diseases, and there are those that push for legislation to allow doctor assisted suicide for conditions that although painful to the victim, are not considered terminal. But if such legislation passes, where will the line be drawn? Will there be a provision allowing assisted suicide for migrane sufferers? How about for simple old age? Psychological problems? Pills...problem solved! How far will these groups go to ensure the dignity of the suffering? Will they band together to break Kevorkian out of prison?

Granted, a life of excrutiating pain is hardly a life at all. And the loss of mobility, function, memory and thought that accompany the onset of terminal disease make the lives of survivors miserable. However, suicide is rarely the best answer, and is never the only answer. Great strides have been taken in the treatment of many diseases once thought terminal. New pain medications with fewer side effects are being created by pharmeceutical companies at about the rate of a new one every six months. Pain can be lessened to tolerable levels.

And one doesn't have to give up.

If I wanted to hear about the morality or sinlitude of suicide, I'd've gone to a Cathaholic priest. This sides view is that it should be the gods-given right of everybody to have complete control of themselves, and if one wants to punch his or her own clock, I have some cyanide for sale.

The Gummint wants to legislate doctor assisted suicide off the books. This is another attempt to keep people from hurting themselves, even if that person is in excriciating pain from a terminal disease. Can't let 'em kill themselves ya know! Let the HMO's do it!

Suicide should be a legal right. If the suicidee takes the necessary precautions and makes prior arrangements with family and the undertaker and get everything in order beforehand, let 'em pull their own plug. If they don't have arms, let them hire someone else to do it. If the suicide is to escape the torment of an unlivable life, then morals be damned! (irony) If the Church or Temple or Mosque doesn't want it's own to play the role of their Gods, they can go screw themselves. The congregation is not in pain when one of their own takes the cancer train. They may tell the sufferer that they are not alone, that the whole congregation feels their pain, and that they must not kill themselves merely to end their suffering.

Bullshit! Once all those other people leave the pews, they forget about the pain of an individual not related to them. They don't see the chemotherapy or the medicine cabinet full of narcotics and pain killers. They don't feel the stomach screwing nausea or the wasting away or the migrane spikes being driven through the skull.

Think the Government feels your pain? Clinton does. The rest of them bastids wanna keep you alive so their district rolls don't drop, and even when you're on your deathbed, you can still be considered a peon to be lorded over.

The moral thing is to let the sufferer do what he or she has to do to relieve suffering, and if that means swallowing down a bucket full of Flintstone's chewable vitamins or a chunk of ex-lax the size of a medium sized television or a arsenic-chocolate bar washed down with some Jim Jones electric blue Kool-ade, then so be it. Let 'em die!

Anyone wanna buy some Cylenols?

Agree? Disagree? Wanna see me eat a bowl of Dr. 'K' cornflakes? Write, and I'll show ou what autoeroticism really means!

Swing low, sweet arsenic, coming for to carry me home...Swing low, induced heart attack, comin' for to carry me - ack!

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